Happy, Healthy & Free

My story begins with being the youngest of 6 children. I came from a very good family where I was loved every day. I smoked marijuana and drank alcohol starting in the 7th grade, nothing regular, just experimenting. I began a very physical and violent relationship in high school. I am sure that it changed the person I once was.

I got pregnant and decided to end that pregnancy at age 15. The drug use became a weekend thing, escalating to cocaine. I remember going to my senior prom with cocaine taped all over the inside of my chest, measured out in increments for sale. I got married and had a baby by the time I was 21. I was the healthiest I would ever be in my life during that time, because I wanted my son to be healthy.

My father was diagnosed with cancer the year I had my son, he would die 6 years later, and this was the second life event to completely alter my life. I began a very bad cocaine habit, but was always able to work and hold down good jobs. I entered private treatment on my own for this addiction and would not use again for 8 years.

This will mark the next huge event that will shape my life. I embezzled money from my job, got caught, and went to jail for a year. When I came out of jail I didn't know how to fix the mistake I had made. I felt such guilt and shame that I just began to numb myself with Vicodin. I would attempt detox a few years later, without success. My habit was up to 100 Norco's a day, by the time I entered treatment in 2009.

My son's friend died in February of 2009 from a heroin overdose. I saw my son so upset and affected by his death at the funeral, then it hit me that he could have to bury me. I made the decision to figure out my life. I had to find a way to forgive myself and get on with living. I had a good life most of the time prior to this addiction. I always had family, friends, boyfriend and went on vacations. I enjoyed my job, I was happy. I found myself, like so many people, with this disease hiding in my house, barely showering, eating just enough to keep me from throwing up, and just trying to get to the next handful of pills.

I called TODS in the middle of the night in late February, after looking into rapid detox centers. I spoke to a man who was so nice. He listened as I begged for someone to help me get my life back. The next day, I was contacted by Shirley Halsell, Site Director for Texas Opiate Detoxification Specialists (TODS) from Kindred Hospital in Mansfield, Texas. I made an appointment to fly there on March 12th 2009. The treatment was beneficial and it only took three days to start me on my road to recovery. No one in my family knew about my disease. I had to make a call to my older sister and ask her to come with me, she did, and today I write this letter healthier, happier and free.

I was out of work for about 11 months in 2009, I was so scared when I first came home from TODS, because like so many addicts, I am not good with time on my hands. I could not afford to go into a facility when I got home, so Shirley told me I needed to try NA meetings. I went 5 days a week. I made a list of things I would do in my life if I were not addicted and trapped in my house. When I got home I started checking things off that list, I make a to do list everyday and I gave myself credit for everything I get done , then I roll over anything I don't get to do to the next day's list. It is amazing what you can do when you put as much time and energy into it as we do our addiction. I started a new job in November last year , I'm so busy and I love it. I joined a gym and I work out every day. I figure my body has been good to me, so it is time for me to give back to my body. My family now knows what I have been through and they love me as much as they always have. I shared with them a poem called I am your disease, it is very powerful and helped my family to understand how powerful addiction is.

I have completed the 12 steps; I have a sponsor I see every week. I do not get to as many meetings as I did when I was not working, but I still have a regular meeting schedule. I am alive and present in my own life once again. I think what treatment gave me was the ability to forgive myself, to accept that I have the power to change my life. I ask God for what I need every day, I thank him for all the things I have in my life big and small. I do not waste time today. I have had to face some challenging things since February of 2009, but each time I thank God that I am able to face them, ask for help and keep on moving forward. I send Shirley a note every month on the 12th just to check in with her and the people at the hospital who helped me. I know that each person thinking about stopping their suffering deserves to be happy, don't waste another minute letting this disease rob you of the life you deserve. Surrender, ask for help, and believe in yourself.

For confidentiality purposes, identities have been concealed.